Girl Drama!
Two words that make any parent quake and turn normal precious women into unrecognizable shapeshifting villains from the Marvel Multiverse. If you’ve never had to navigate this dark, dangerous pitfall of doom, count yourself blessed.
I’ve been exploring over my last two blog posts an extended comparison of what we have endured over the last two years with the coronavirus pandemic and our current problems with various levels of media addiction. I’ve illustrated parallels and discussed the mildest variant - Omicron - but now the mirror must be held closer to reflect on the deeper and more difficult subject.
15 Minutes of Fame: Delta Variant #girldrama
Once upon a time, kids would go to school, and they would come home with a frown and a parent would ask, “What went wrong at school today?” The reply would be, “Susie was mean to me!” After a few probing questions, maybe a bowl of ice cream, and a good night's rest, the next day precious one and Susie would be holding hands and laughing on the playground - offense forgiven. If 2022 could be so simple!
Common Sense Media began performing surveys of kids and their media use in 2003. Their 2019 survey showed that over 50% of American children had Smartphones by the age of 11. The survey indicated a sharp decline in television use and a stronger dependence on social media from a similar survey in 2015. The study also showed that 1 in 5 eight-year-olds had a cell phone. Average time spent on a phone in a day? 7 hours 22 minutes. Since the pandemic and the organization’s latest efforts to collect data on children’s media habits, some estimates conclude media use in children and teens jumped 17%-25%. With this staggering amount of consumption, what once manifested as overnight playground spats has morphed into something far more sinister, aided by the anonymity of social media.
So how do you know if you or your child has a case of the Delta Variant?
Delta struck with some pretty rough symptoms - at times even scary. Some touch and go moments occurred and many people pondered going to the ER. Some even did have to make that trip to get those IV fluids or Remdesivir infusion. The effects lasted for days - even weeks. People coughed and lost their sense of taste and smell. Even to this day, some are undergoing retraining of their olfactory sense and enduring injections to attempt to regain their ability to smell normally again. Delta packed a lasting punch. Anyone who suffered from Delta most likely has a story to tell and will not quickly forget the experience.
The Delta Variant of media addiction is no different. You or someone you know has suffered harm in some way from the encounter, and there is most likely a story to tell and an experience that will not quickly be forgotten.
But here is the true issue. Coronavirus is not going away, and neither is social media. As a parent, your ability to monitor your child and establish parental safeguards has also, sadly, gone away. There are too many ways to catch Delta. If a child wants to engage in media use, there are too many ways to wiggle around any protection spells you have put in place. So what can we do?
We must learn how to peacefully coexist with social media, and we must train our children how to successfully self-monitor their own media use.
Proverbs 22:6 tells us to train children in the way they should go and even when they are old, they will not turn from it. The Hebrew for to train is chek. What English word does that look like? If you guessed cheek you are doing well with your regular Wordle play. Chek’s literal translation is to train up or to dedicate but also within the context of this word is to rub the palette or cheek of the newborn to stimulate the baby to suck for nutrients. Also, to make submissive as a horse with a bit in its mouth. (Strong’s 2596)
Think about the implications of that word. To train up from Proverbs 22 literally means from birth, a parent is to make the child dependent on the nutrients of God and then when they begin to act horsy, you have to put that uncomfortable guiding bit in their mouth, all because you dedicated them to God from the start, and then when they grow up, they will not depart from what you have taught them.
But don’t despair if you have not been rubbing those baby gums since those first little tooth buds began to appear. If your child or someone you love has caught Delta, they need treatment. But what cocktail is going to work? Will rest and fluids suffice? Or do you need hospitalization and infusion?
Ok parents - toe stepping time. You ground the child from the phone because the #girldrama has to stop or the sanity of the home will cease. However, now, precious one has been caught out of bed at night on an old device you didn’t know still worked using a platform you didn’t even know existed talking to a friend you don’t even know, and the heated angry whispers that awakened you are all directed at what a mean bully you are for taking her phone. Next steps? You don’t want to go to jail for filicide so…
Since this precious one had an electronic device placed in her hand while she was in a stroller, removing electronic devices from her world is in fact cruel and damaging. Devices are all she knows for entertainment, stimulation, comfort, and calm. When she was little, the device was wonderful because she used it and adhered to what society deemed “socially acceptable behavior.” But now, this same electronic device has made her a monster. She knows no other way to occupy her mind or time.
If I were really creative, I would invent a series of age appropriate “toys” to teach young adults all the developmental milestones missed in their formative years due to over exposure to electronic devices. I never see a parent articulating to a child in a grocery store buggy the names of canned goods or fruits and veggies anymore. I never see a child working a manual wooden puzzle. I never see a child with one of those ancient Tupperware toys that had the different shapes that the baby stuck the pieces into. I never see a child with pop beads or Legos. I never see families out at dinner minus the electronic. I always see a child with a phone.
Critical neural pathways connect in early childhood through a child’s interaction with his/her environment. Many young people lost these milestones in their childhood due to an overdependence on electronic stimulation. They may have amazing hand/eye coordination or increased visual perception but what about their nearsighted vision? Their poor verbal skills? Their lagging gross motor development? Their increased anxiety and depression?
Great news! It’s not too late! Kids’ brains are not anywhere close to being fully formed. Their neural pathways are fully malleable to develop these critical skills, expand verbal acuity, increase attention span, grow spatial relationships, and even stimulate basic tactile deficits that the lack of holding a pin or crayon missed while they were playing on an electronic device.
But you know what these things require? These things require you, as the adults, sitting beside your teen or pre-teen performing phone unrelated activities. All those puzzles and coloring books and leggo towers you might have done with your child if they had not been on their electronic device, now you have to sit beside your almost grown human and accomplish these tasks. You may think I’m insane, but remember. They literally do not know how to accomplish this task on their own. If you take the phone and say, “go do something,” what are they supposed to go do? They have ALWAYS had a device to help them occupy their time.
Rather than looking at your overburdened schedule and saying you don’t have the time to sit down and help your child learn how to entertain themselves - you think this is ridiculous, right? - consider what a beautiful opportunity this may be to get to know your young adult. And on a personal note, let me just say there are some freaking fabulous adult coloring books out there. And you may realize that your case of the Delta Variant improves a tremendous amount too. Your child may even open up to you about some girl drama, and you work on strategies to deal with appropriate ways to cope.
Delta is much harder to fight and takes time and commitment and patience and the effects linger. Damage happens. Cures are not universal and better tailored for each individual. Families recover together because Delta affects each and every family member. If you have any feedback for my Delta cure. I ‘d love to hear it Just email me at theclassroomcounts@gmail.com
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