Jacob Wrestling with the Angel by Alexander Louis Lelair
In 1987 they came for her,
Feverishly she fought, wildly flailing the air,
Calling them by name, until they vanished,
As veiled as they appeared…
These lines are part of a poem I wrote about my grandmother. She suffered from an unknown illness, and as fever ravaged her little body, she violently hallucinated. The combat she waged from her hospital bed stayed with all who witnessed her ordeal. Once recovered, she possessed no memory of the incident, but the words from her mouth; the screams that she was “not ready to go;” the adamant refusal to depart with Zachariel or Ambriel; I am convinced she definitely wrestled with something other than a dangerous bacteria and sepsis.
Jacob wrestled.
Genesis 32 tells his story. We skim through the verses or listen to a sermon but stopping to process wrestling with God and the implications is important.
Why? I don’t know about you, but I wrestle a lot. My latest struggle has me questioning if I’m not teaching, am I accomplishing anything useful for His kingdom? I wrestle if I faithfully honor my parents, especially in these their later years? I grapple with the degree to which I can pry into my children’s lives and still keep the mutual respect we have built? I could go on and on, but I’m sure you can create your similar list of “wrestling matches.”
However, as I pound myself around a UFC octagon, with whom exactly am I wrestling?
If I look closer at the story of Jacob, I have some indicators of what a wrestling match with God really looks like.
First, Jacob was on his way to something. A major life change shook up Jacob’s life when God asked him to leave Laban and return to his homeland and his brother Esau. The life change was impactful enough to begin the wrestling match.
Second, fear dominated every decision. Fear made Jacob send messengers to Esau to “feel out the situation.” Fear caused Jacob to divide his camp. Fear opened Jacob’s “bottom line” and gave him a willingness to part with a significant amount of his personal wealth. Fear formulated a battle plan. And fear forced Jacob on his knees in fervent prayer.
So, when Jacob got to step three, his prayer was ready. He acknowledged God as being present with him and with his father and his father’s father. God showed Himself faithful for generations, and Jacob trusted He would continue to be faithful. Jacob reminded God that he had been listening. Jacob was trying to be obedient and do as God commanded him. And Jacob humbled himself before God. “I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant.” Genesis 32 10 (CSB)
Jacob and Esau Reunite by Raffaellino Bottalla
But as I read Jacob’s story, I see him pinging off the sides of the octagon, doing round kicks and guillotines and waiting to get Esau in a chokehold. God doesn’t show up until Genesis 32:24 when:
Jacob was left alone…
We do all this flailing all the time with all the noise in our head, surrounding us like a roaring ocean. But we forget, when God wants to wrestle, he will find us, alone, and make no mistake, we will know with whom we have struggled.
“When the man saw that he had not prevailed against him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip; and the socket of Jacob’s hip was dislocated while he wrestled with him.” Genesis 32:25 (NAS)
I have listened to my orthopaedic husband describe how to dislocate a hip during surgery and trust me when I tell you that it is a brutal two-person job. However, in particular instances, he performs the dislocation maneuver by himself. What does it take for him to accomplish this task? He has to yakol the hip – prevail over the task – endure until he can dislocate the joint. The surgery is much easier when he has help, but as the primary surgeon, he is ultimately responsible for the outcome.
The verb yakol is translated in other Bible versions as overcome, defeat, or overpower, but I like the NAS version. When God realized Jacob continued to struggle and struggle, doing things his own way, crawling away to find the road to Esau, God prevailed upon Jacob in such a way that forced him to be still and focus for a minute, reminding him who is large and in charge. Jacob may have been listening to God. Jacob may have been praying to God, but Jacob still fearfully clung to the details. God and Jacob, the two in tandem, walked the journey, but God reminded Jacob who was 100% capable of performing the procedure all on His own.
However, Jacob remembered he was not alone. Jacob held on. Jacob trusted that the task would be easier with assistance. He held on in the midst of the struggle. He held on in the midst of the fear. He remembered who proves Sovereign over the Heavens and the Earth, and he received the blessing. He worshiped at the wonder and greatness of God.
Jacob's Ladder by Frans Franken
My grandmother had a literal experience where she wrestled with forces beyond our comprehension. But how often do we simply wrestle with ourselves, bouncing around the octagon, bloodying our own bodies and minds, because we never go alone to the stream and wait for the touch of God? How often do we bat at the unseen, flailing in the hallucination of our own making, even scaring those around us? A real encounter with God may be difficult, but His blessing never fails to follow. Staying in our own struggle simply means we refuse to acknowledge His Sovereign control. We can follow all the right steps and pray all the right prayers but giving up the fear and walking to the water expecting the blessing, that we delay.
If God is calling you to a major life change, fear will follow – that is a given. But who are you going to choose to wrestle? Will you fight your own mind and agonize over the details in the midst of the struggle? Or will you wrestle in the arms of God and allow Him to touch you – no matter how painful – and accept His generous blessings on the other side of the journey?
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